Awkward Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I really hate it when the boss gets all motivational, and when he wears a thong!'

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

"So, do you come nowhere often?"

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'I'm walking with awkward gait as a consequence of being watched by two gossiping women at a garden gate.'

"And this is where my late husband died of loneliness."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

"It's perfect."

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

'... And I even made turpentine sauce.'

"Please welcome our third guest, a toddler with a temper tantrum."

Sorry Jerry, you've gone all muffly. Have you been shat on again?

"If it's still following me around at noon, you'll bet I'll eat it."

"I'm only guessing, but I think it's a red-tailed warbler..."