Awkward Humor Lover Gifts

'I think I preferred the old office parties.'

'Maybe we should start the meeting with a 'Getting to know each other' ice-breaker. Would anyone like to share their sexual fantasies?'

Things you don't want to hear on a blind date.

'Are you really a grand-father...?'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Apple Pie Abduction

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

Eugene Ionesco

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

That's It

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

"Another impulse purchase?"

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

"It's perfect."

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance