Awkward Humor Lover T-Shirts

'I think I preferred the old office parties.'

'Maybe we should start the meeting with a 'Getting to know each other' ice-breaker. Would anyone like to share their sexual fantasies?'

'Are you really a grand-father...?'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Apple Pie Abduction

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

Eugene Ionesco

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

"Another impulse purchase?"

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"It's perfect."

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

"I'm only guessing, but I think it's a red-tailed warbler..."

"To be honest Henry, I think I preferred your early brutalist potato period."

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance