Awkward Humor Lovers T-Shirts

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'Oh wow, Gary Player, shake my hand,'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Apple Pie Abduction

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

That's It

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"This isn't a donor heart. It's a tuna on rye."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

"It's perfect."

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

Sorry Jerry, you've gone all muffly. Have you been shat on again?

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.