Awkward Humor Lovers T-Shirts

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Apple Pie Abduction

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

"It's a smaller, less destructive nuclear weapon, but it's also a hat."

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

"It's perfect."

"To be honest Henry, I think I preferred your early brutalist potato period."

Doomsdayer waves sign saying 'The world isn't going to end, it's just going to suck'.

101 uses of a dead cat: slingshot.

"I'm only guessing, but I think it's a red-tailed warbler..."

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance