Awkward Comedy Lover T-Shirts

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Who knew grass migrates?

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Eugene Ionesco

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"Dad, I'm a lab-rat by choice, it's my profession. Now you're just going to have to accept the fact that you have a son who's pregnant."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"Another impulse purchase?"

Wake up! You're hogging all the nails again.

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

Yes, I'm sure I existed. 404 not found.

'Good afternoon, Ma'am -- we clean out refrigerators door-to-door....'

Therapist Starting Gun

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"