Awkward Comedy Lover Pillows

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

Who knew grass migrates?

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Eugene Ionesco

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Crop Circle: Meet the Author

'Jimmy. Stick to the outline.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Dad, I'm a lab-rat by choice, it's my profession. Now you're just going to have to accept the fact that you have a son who's pregnant."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'...And preferably someone with a blood donor card.'

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

Therapist Starting Gun

"Another impulse purchase?"

'Good afternoon, Ma'am -- we clean out refrigerators door-to-door....'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"