Absurd Comedy Lover T-Shirts

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

"Soybean futures edged higher today."

After a spate of garden-shed burglaries,,, Constable Smedling finally apprehended the culprit

101 uses of a dead cat: shoe scraper

"Well, are you going to surface and rescue us, or just sit there ogling us all day?!"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Apple Pie Abduction

Pastry Hat

Extreme Sisyphus

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Eugene Ionesco

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

A Centaur Taking A Shower

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

Chick Billiard Ball

PODs Venn Diagram

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."