Awkward Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

"Now you wouldn't want me to go through life without experiencing the joys of Father's Day... would you?

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Monster Clown

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'Well son, it seems a bit of a fuss for an overdue library book.'

'This is just a routine check, sir -- are you a turtle?'

Hospital Food

Man spilling coffee and papers, looking like an awkward dance

"If it's still following me around at noon, you'll bet I'll eat it."

"Whoa whoa whoa, I haven't even told you my safe word yet!"

Attack of the Really Lame Stick Figures

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

'We know. He's just fixing the antenna.'

'Who's idea was it to run backwards to Christmas for charity?'

One armed bandit workout.

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

'We can mail these thank you cards now that I've forged your name.'

"So, do you come nowhere often?"

'Off hand, I'd say you're suffering from an arrow through your head, but just to play it safe, I'm ordering a bunch of tests.'