Lover Of Awkward Humor Gifts

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

'Well this is awkward.'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

Eugene Ionesco

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Excuse me, officer, but I believe I'm entitled to one mating call..."

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"Several groups have claimed responsibility."

"Well, he was a lousy captain, but he sure knows how to go out in style!"

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

"Another impulse purchase?"

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Stale Ostrich Egg Throwers

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

Performance Artist, Performance Spectator

Golfer in a tree.

'You could have just TOLD me we were out of cups!'

"Can you suggest a nice Bordeaux that will complement the squirrel-infused manure?"