Lover Of Absurd Comedy Gifts

"Just make sure you tie it good and tight! We'll have that tooth out in no time!"

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Eugene Ionesco

Operation.

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

UFO and snowman

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

A Centaur Taking A Shower

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

Trapeze artists commuting

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

One afternoon on mars.

The Old Man and the Noodle.

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.