Absurdist Comedy Lover Gifts

"Another impulse purchase?"

Tightrope walker splits himself open

Eugene Ionesco

"What seems to be the problem?"

'Just so you know: If this elevator breaks down, I have no problems cannibalizing your body for my survival.'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Boomerang cow.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Franz Kafka

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

A Centaur Taking A Shower

Testing...testing...one, two, three...

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

"I'm used to embellished resumes, but claiming you can herd cats is a bit far fetched..."

"I had them sharpened so I can eat cows."

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

"Can I call you back? I'm right in the middle of something."

One afternoon on mars.