Quirky Comedians Gifts

Sago Masochism

Snow Stab.

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Fresh pepper?"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Optimist

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"I cross the road to forget."

Self Help / Elf Help.