Humorist With A Paw-sitive Twist Gifts

"Let's just hope the cat doesn't have anymore kittens."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

"If there is a heaven, why do we end up as fossil fuel?"

"I think, therefore I am depressed."

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

Plant Closed - Downsized Too Far

Med. Soc Sec. Can we agree on anything to reduce the deficit other than a bake sale?

A dead Olive found stabbed, in a Cocktail drink

Strikeout Dog

"Who's showing remorse now that it's time for sentencing? Huh? Who's remorseful now? Who was soooo bad?"

'Hey, he's just some guy from the neighborhood -- and you know what Chicago neighborhoods are like!'

Hang Time Fido

'Want a good read Sex, violence, incest, murder Old Testament.'

A sheep shearing herself on stage - A sheep strip show

"Good boy."

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

'I don't know. . . Nobody has ever requested a doggy bag before. . .'

Genetically Modified Apples

Dogs at the vets - "What exactly does 'being seen to' mean?"

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

"First, let me say how much I appreciate your 6-foot social distancing."

Witch Rowing Team

"How dare you say I am dogmatic!"

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

'They fight like you know what.'

"Excuse me, but does it look like I have an extension on this scooper?"

'You Know Who got into my closet.'

"We pay top dollar here at hell hole high."

“Let’s run with the masala chai this morning, but go easy with the ground ginger.”