Paw-some Humor Gifts

'You Know Who got into my closet.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Hush puppy.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

Dog fetching clown shoes.

Dog wearing a cone

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

The Karate Kitten.

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

'No need to shout.'

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Looks like we'll be eating leftovers for a month!"

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

"Do you think those sounds they make are some primitive attempt to communicate with each other?"

'That's the problem with Dacshunds, you can never tell whether they're coming or going.'

Hang Time Fido

'I want a straightforward answer: Did you or did you not willfully claw a flea to death on your left ear?'

Dogs at Dog Show Judging the Judges.

"It's OK! Stop splashing!"

'Ma'am, I think I already see the problem with your cuckoo clock.'

'Play dead.'

"She has to find just the right spot."