Pet Lover's Humor Gifts

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

Pet Entertainers

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Grinning dog points at missing cat poster with glee

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

'I think he got embarrassed because of the sweater. . . Another dog started laughing. I told him it was just wheezing, but he wasn't buying it.'

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

"I'm thinking sixty nine."

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Doggy conductor

Vet to owner about dog with bird at chest: 'I suspect heartworm.'

The Karate Kitten.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"So what if they notice a stain? Everyone gets tummy aches. Besides, we’re conserving energy."

"If anyone should ask, I was in my doggy bed from 7 p.m. to midnight. Understand?"

Cat and Dog both eating from wrong bowls.

'No need to shout.'

'I'm worried about that dog's hearing,Doris.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"I don't think you fully thought out your escape plan!" "Meow..."

"You're God-knows-where all day long, then at night you pounce on my head... this is not a relationship."

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"