Pet Lover's Laugh Gifts

'I'll be darn lad when your mail-order waders get here!'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Pet Entertainers

'If you must know, yes, I do sometimes fake purring.'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

Doggy conductor

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Anatomy of a cat"

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Will Work For Food, The Take, Like, Two Bites And Walk Away.'

'My hamster fell asleep at the wheel!'

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

'Found your problem - there was a hairball in the gasline.'

'Yes, having a powerful sense of smell is good, but I do wish Master would change his socks more often...'

'Well, would ya look at this, Martha? The dog's stealin' our cable. I told you this breed can't be trusted.'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"He's been this way ever since we ran out of liver treats."

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

'I'll get into the garbage, Whiskers here will wreck the sofa, and you - you'll drive the getaway castle.'

'I couldn't find your slippers. Will these do?'

'Sit!'

Cattery and kennels

'Turbidity is pretty high today, better keep the kids inside...'

"As I near my 9th life, I feel I’m entering a post-curious, pre-fatalist phase of existence."

'This is the last time I take the dog out for a walk!'

"Yes, it's embarrassing, but my master has a broken leg, so this is the only way I can go for a walk right now...

'What obedience school did you say you sent him to?!'

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'