Humorist With Paws Gifts

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Dogs life

Cats at private view

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."