Humorist With Hounds Gifts

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"I'm working from home today."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

No Soliciting

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

Strikeout Dog

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Gas was passed, you get the blame, that's the system."

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

"He wasn't quite dark enough to name 'midnight' so I named him ten o'clock."

Employees Must Lick Themselves Before Returning to Work.

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

A sheep shearing herself on stage - A sheep strip show

"Goddam Dogs."

"Guess what I learned in band class today?"