Humorist With A Love For Animals Gifts

'Well, I'm no expert, but my research would indicate you exhibit symptoms of being what is referred to colloquially as a 'jerk'.'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

The Rooster Comedian.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

'The Buck Stops Here.'

'There's nothing wrong with your heart. It's your soft chocolate center.'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

Penguin

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"I'm concerned. You seem to have catlike reflexes."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"