Humorist With A Love For Animals Pillows

'Well, I'm no expert, but my research would indicate you exhibit symptoms of being what is referred to colloquially as a 'jerk'.'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

The Rooster Comedian.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Scuba cow"

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'There's nothing wrong with your heart. It's your soft chocolate center.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'The Buck Stops Here.'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Penguin

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

'Now that you've moved in and unpacked, Higgins, we'd like you to start thinking outside of the box.'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."