Humorist With Pets Gifts

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

Dogs life

Cats at private view

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"