Humorist Pet Owner Gifts

'I'm the king of the hill!'

The Four Basic Food Groups - Dry, moist, biscuit, bone.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Cats at private view

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dogs life

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

Clown walks balloon dog

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'