Comedian Pet Owner Gifts

"You're sure that's the stick you want?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

Dog Dressed to Eat

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

Good, but not Great Danes.

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

'He knows that when I eat like a hog, it's time for a jog.'

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

When Pugs dream.

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You're lucky you can't read.'

Cat Blog.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

'The news has started a MarmWatch segment as a public service.'

'What did I tell you about feeding your pet beaver table scraps?'

Hang Time Fido

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

Cat Show - Sheds Most

'I tried to teach him to shake, but he'd rather do 'high fives'.'

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

"I'm retired now"

'Here's a stupid question...are you getting enough sleep?'