Quirky Pet Owner Humorist Gifts

Sadly, Ralph's third attempt at the World Fishbowl Speed Record was also his last.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Dogs life

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Cats at private view

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

Clown walks balloon dog

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"That was the pet store, dear - they want to know if you've noticed any minor flashes of aggression in Joey since starting the steroid bird feed?"

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'