Quirky Pet Humorist Gifts

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

'I'd like to think I've had SOME influence on your life.'

'Begging at the table again, eh?'

"Teach me not to care."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Dog Dressed to Eat

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

Cats at private view

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dogs life

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'