Humorist With A Hound Gifts

"Oh they're bred to have three legs."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

No Soliciting

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Teach me not to care."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

Dogs texting each other emojis

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

Dog leaving operating theatre in a hurry with a bone in his mouth

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'