Humorist With A Hound Pillows

"Oh they're bred to have three legs."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

No Soliciting

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Sometimes Bob wags when he's happy—but these days, it usually means he just tooted."

"Teach me not to care."

Dogs texting each other emojis

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

"Look, Mommy. Puppy already knows a trick! What should we call him?" "How about 'Scooter.'"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'What makes you say I spoil the cat?'

"Well, if it wasn't you who meowed, and it certainly wasn't me who meowed...then...who...meowed?"

Dog leaving operating theatre in a hurry with a bone in his mouth

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

Woman Walking a Trojan Horse

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to accept that dogs just don't like you.'