Hound Humorist Gifts

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

No Soliciting

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"I'm working from home today."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Scuba cow"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'I'd like to return this, please.'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"