Hound Humorist Gifts

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

No Soliciting

"Absolutely perfect! How did you know?"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"I'm working from home today."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."