Canine Humorist Gifts

"Let's bark at nothing."

'I'm watching my weight, so I'd prefer a jacket potato.'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Dog leaving operating theatre in a hurry with a bone in his mouth

Monk walking dog.

'Why does this crazy human keep throwing away my stick?'

Dog Evolution

"I tell you, it's really funny: If you scratch my dad right here, he can't resist shaking his leg..."

Mongrel

"Catching snowflakes? You look ridiculous with your tongue hanging out!"

'Maybe I'd feel better if I had a facelift.'

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"What is it about my being a dog that makes you uncomfortable?"

"I like your pocket square."

"Could have been Rocket, Bullet, maybe even Missile or Spear…but oh no, Wiener it is."

"I don't care if you have a heavy date...I'll thank you to stay out of my aftershave!"

"Yes I work from home, Battersea actually."

'He's a big boy- why can't he go for a walk by himself!'

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

"He had a brilliant career as a sniffer dog, but took one sniff too many."

Dog looks at food and asks 'No prizes?'.

'So I decided, why not a REAL attack dog running mate?'

Dog walker

"No, honest, I just sat on a squeaky toy."

'I can't get another job? My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!'

"I like dogs that look like you can use them as a mop."

Select a song: Another Dog Barking. Lots of Other Dogs Barking. Howling. Siren. Doorbell. Dog Karaoke.

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"What's he trying to tell us?" "Sounds like 'Woof.'"

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"No no, I said sit!!"