Canine Humorist Gifts

"Let's bark at nothing."

'I'm watching my weight, so I'd prefer a jacket potato.'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

Dog leaving operating theatre in a hurry with a bone in his mouth

Monk walking dog.

'Why does this crazy human keep throwing away my stick?'

"I tell you, it's really funny: If you scratch my dad right here, he can't resist shaking his leg..."

Mongrel

"Catching snowflakes? You look ridiculous with your tongue hanging out!"

'Maybe I'd feel better if I had a facelift.'

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

"What is it about my being a dog that makes you uncomfortable?"

"I like your pocket square."

"I don't care if you have a heavy date...I'll thank you to stay out of my aftershave!"

"Yes I work from home, Battersea actually."

'He's a big boy- why can't he go for a walk by himself!'

"You're the first dog I've introduced to my parents. I know they're gonna love you."

"He had a brilliant career as a sniffer dog, but took one sniff too many."

Dog looks at food and asks 'No prizes?'.

'So I decided, why not a REAL attack dog running mate?'

Dog walker

"No, honest, I just sat on a squeaky toy."

'I can't get another job? My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!'

"I like dogs that look like you can use them as a mop."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"What's he trying to tell us?" "Sounds like 'Woof.'"

Dogs texting each other emojis

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.