Canine Comedian Gifts

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"Too bad you shredded the gift receipt."

Dog Food Groups

"I do like it here, but I'm ready for my own apartment."

"They were bred originally to be hors d'oeuvres."

'Just so i'll know you can't resuscitate a grape-nut, right?'

"Daisy is my married name. It was also my maiden name."

Where dogs have been before they lick you...

Dog name tags.

'I wasn't chewing it. I was editing it.'

'Any other symptoms besides difficulty in marking your territory?'

'Don't give me that innocent look.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

'Okay Bob, but this is the last time. . . Honestly, if that stick is so important to you, you're going to have to learn to take better care of it.'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

A tough dog scratches and barks.

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Scratch my head, would you?"

"Excuse me, but does it look like I have an extension on this scooper?"

Obedience School Graduation

'Is he sitting?'

Dog Obedience School: 'I ate my homework.'

"Imagine the treat as if you already have it."

"Kfetch!"

'Your loyalty is unquestionable, but you just don't seem to be able to learn new procedures.'

'They feed me and they let me in and out, but those are the only two tricks they know.'

"I live each day in uncertainty, forever skating on the razor edge between cookie and no cookie."

"He wags, but his tail doesn't."

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'Do you have any identification other than the collar?'

'He chases cats. Maybe on stepped on him.'

Simple Dog Humour

Obedience School: When Dogs Earn Their Master's Degree.

Dog on phone: 'I'd like to make an appointment for a physical. It's been seven years.'

'For goodness sake, what do you expect me to say?'