Canine Comedy Gifts

'He's the laziest dog I've ever seen.'

'I'm making out my will...you want my fake diamond-studded collar?'

'She think we're waiting out here in this sun? Hot-wire this sucker!'

"I got to know her from one side but recognised her from the other!"

'There are five of ua, a high wall with razor wire: It must be something really valuable or secret we're guarding...'

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

The Smiths and Their Amazing Dog Sparky.

'It's disgusting! He just sits and licks his balls all day.'

Dog receives an electric shock from an electrical fire hydrant.

It's not that I cheat or read faces: I'm good at poker because I can smell fear...

"This is my place, and that's the guest house."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

Dogs life

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"I finally caught you... now what?"

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."