Animal Comedy Gifts

Maude had warned the Cat not to lick itself so much.

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

'Let's do the Good Dog, Bad Dog routine.'

Chicken CSI.

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Do me next."

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

Cat croissant, cat baguette, cat muffin, cat turnover

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Hats and Food

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Snowmobull

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Obedience School Graduation

'A representative from Merrill Lynch to see you.'