Comedy Canine Gifts

'...and God created canine in his own image.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

Tiny dog catches frisbee that spins him around in circles.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"I'm working from home today."

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Obedience School Graduation

His Master's Thesis.

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

Woman leaves dog in rain...he gets into a car to wait in the dry.

'Oh, oh, a pack of dogs! Stand still amd maybe they won't notice us.'

"I finally caught you... now what?"

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Dog in love

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

Dogs life

"No I said fetch , not wretch.."

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"Wow, what a DILF."

"I always get the 'Good Boy.' How about the 'Bad Dog' for a change?"

"I see you mister mail carrier... that's it, just keep walking... don't even think abo—did you just look at my house?! Are you looking for trouble? Cujo ain't got #!@* on me."

"Well, that will never be a yoga pose."