Dog And Cat Humorist Gifts

Strikeout Dog

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

Hats and Food

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'Just taking the dog for a walk, Dear.'

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Scuba cow"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'