Hillbilly Humorist Gifts

When rednecks and techies network.

"A mighty fine cabernet, Zeke!"

"I could never vote for somebody who's never had to make his own liquor."

Hellbillies.

'Randy! I heard you was kissin' Sally Jo in the silo and now you is plannin' to take her to the Hoedown!

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"The new house is almost ready!"

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Where's my horse?'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

I've been doing sit-ups!

'I can dish it out, but I can't take it.'

Stop the big guy!

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

"You've been traded to the Red Sox for an outfielder with a broken arm."

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'