Hell Humorist Gifts

"Keep that dang door shut. I'm not paying to heat the whole neighborhood."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

'You are here. What does that tell you?'

'I expected Hell to be a lot worse than this.' 'Didn't anyone tell you we're out of milk!!'

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"From this you make a living?"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Fancy a pint?

Meowlzebub

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Cat Frankenstein

"Some Debussy, Igor."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

The Zombie Awakes...

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

...your sales are rather anemic

Pinata Zombies

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"I didn't want you doing what you did on our last date."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Hellbillies.