Hellish Comedian Gifts

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

Meowlzebub

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

Type that up, make ten million copies and then shred them.

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

Angel Puppet.