Hellish Comedian Gifts

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"From this you make a living?"

Meowlzebub

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Hellbillies.

Special Place in Hell...

Last Chance To take Selfie For All Eternity.

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'It's another 'Wish you were here' postcard from my friend in Hell.'

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

Angel Puppet.

A cold day in Hell.

'Oh good! I hate long lines.'