Hell's Humorist Gifts

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

A cold day in Hell.

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Some Debussy, Igor."

Meowlzebub

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

Fancy a pint?

Cat Frankenstein

"From this you make a living?"

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Pinata Zombies

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

The Zombie Awakes...

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

...your sales are rather anemic

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

"I didn't want you doing what you did on our last date."

'The pink squirrel's okay, but you gotta try the fuzzy navel.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

Argh, typical! I always think of a terrifying thing to say after the s