Hell-raising Humorist Gifts

'She says I'm the neighbor from hell?! Just tell her to keep her bloody dog quiet.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

One vampire tricks another behind a mirror.

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

Dr. Frankenstein creates his newest monster, Frankenmime.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"Some Debussy, Igor."

Cat Frankenstein

Fancy a pint?

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Meowlzebub

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

The Zombie Awakes...

...your sales are rather anemic

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'