Devilish Humorist Gifts

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Meowlzebub

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

"Go on, clear off you ruddy pervert and don't come back."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

"Any references?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Going Down?

Demonic Repossession.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Bat out of Hell

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

"It's talk like a pirate day."

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.