Devilish Humorist Gifts

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Meowlzebub

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

"Go on, clear off you ruddy pervert and don't come back."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

"Any references?"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Going Down?

Demonic Repossession.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Bat out of Hell

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"Okay, come at me in a conga line."

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'They come down here to smoke.'

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'You're nuts! It isn't any hotter than usual so quit brining up global warming!'

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

Chip off the old Anti-Christ.

"It's talk like a pirate day."

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

Summer in Hell