Devilish Jokester Gifts

'They come down here to smoke.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Clown God

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Meowlzebub

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

'I'm afraid you're going to have to stay with us for a thousand years, but your sins are tax-deductible.'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

'Someday, you'll be a big star!'

"An olive or a twist?"

Summer Reading