Devilish Jokester Gifts

'They come down here to smoke.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Clown God

"Freshly ground pepper?"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Meowlzebub

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

"I hope your day is going bad."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

'Tender and Juicy.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"Tell the Boss that we have a MAJOR computer glitch!"

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"An olive or a twist?"

"I was rather hoping you'd tell me to beget!"

Summer Reading