Devoted Devilish Humorist Gifts

"I gotta hand it to you, Fred. . . sneaking Eternal Damnation into all those website Terms & Conditions statements was pure genius."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Any references?"

Meowlzebub

Going Down?

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'They come down here to smoke.'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

"It's talk like a pirate day."

'Thank you for calling the Pearly Gates.. your prayers are important to us and may be monitored for training purposes.'

Devil reading ransom note: We have your thermostat.

"But. . . Don't you want Santa to fill your stocking?"

The day the Times never once mentioned Michael Ovitz

"Thanks for bringing the party mix, but. . ."

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

'Yeah, Saint Peter here. I locked myself out again.'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

"Go on, clear off you ruddy pervert and don't come back."

Oh, sorry, those were the unearthly screams of the eternally damned. I'll take it off speaker.

Soul Music

"This one is called 'Hell Toupee'

'These days, nearly ninety percent of our business is hell on earth.'