Devilish Humor Fan Gifts

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'Will this go on my permanent record?'

"Any references?"

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

"Look, I just need to find 111,780 more souls..."

'She's hot... she's hot... she's really hot...'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

"It's talk like a pirate day."

"Anyone home?"

'... And the last thing I remember saying was, 'It oughta be a sin to look this good.''

Going Down?

'These days, nearly ninety percent of our business is hell on earth.'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

Monster in Bath

"This one is called 'Hell Toupee'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Forlornaments: Tools to drain individual and team spirit

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"I'm the bad guy..."

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

The practical psychopath

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."