Lover Of Devilish Humor Gifts

"I thought you wanted me to change."

Going Down?

"Any references?"

"From this you make a living?"

Bureau of the Damned

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Meowlzebub

Well, there you go. I guess it isn't "Feed a cold, starve a fever."

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Pranking Zombies

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

Bat out of Hell

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Well, that's a helluva great business plan... What have you done before you founded a management consultancy, Mr... umh... Smith?'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'He said there's a 40-minute wait for non-smoking.'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

'We've given you a brain scan and we can't find anything.'

"I am now cutting all my rude remarks about the patient from her file."

'This citation is for finally making that U-Turn in your life.'

'Okay, buddy, where's the fire?'

'We've got a problem - They're starting to enjoy it.'

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

"This is a Soul Card. We deduct a small monthly fee, and you get your looks back as long as there is a positive balance."