Devilish Humor Gifts

BREAK TIME!

"You're too late. I already sold it on e-bay."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Going Down?

"Any references?"

Meowlzebub

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Demonic Repossession.

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"Do you see the one who possessed your soul?"

Bat out of Hell

Hellbillies.

"I'm enjoying law school but I don't want to be known as the attorney from hell."

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

Gas Bill

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

Heaven and Hell

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

'You have the right to refuse the body scanner, but then I'll have to pat you down.'

Publish and Be Damned

'Please feel free to take me out of context.'

'You were supposed to place it in a cool spot, sir.'

The Neighbours from Hell....

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'

A Heated Argument

The lessor of two evils.

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Cultural diversity is all very well, but our immigration officers don't have to put up with their bloody harp picking 24 hours a day!"

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'