Hell-raiser Humorist Gifts

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Special Place in Hell...

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

'These photos are ruined... Not one of us has red-eye!'

When rednecks and techies network.

'All the demons chipped in to get Satan a gag gift for his birthday.'

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

666 Hades Circle

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

Angel Puppet.

A cold day in Hell.