Hell-raiser Humorist Gifts

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

'Looks like we're dealing with a mule deer infestation. I can get rid of them, but you'll have to wait until they're in season!'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

Hellbillies.

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

'Took longer than I thought it would.'

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

'These photos are ruined... Not one of us has red-eye!'

When rednecks and techies network.

'This next song is one I wrote before I souled out.'

'For your superb management of hell on earth."

'All the demons chipped in to get Satan a gag gift for his birthday.'

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

Angel Puppet.

We should be fine, provided we keep one pitchfork apart.

"Still a little sleepy, Tiger?"

666 Hades Circle