Equine Humorist Gifts

'Frankly, the only way to ease your back-pain would be for your rider to go on a diet...'

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

The Horse That Won't Jump

'I don't like photo finishes: I never look good in them...'

"Life is full of problems Fiona! By the time I get Kipper moving in the mornings I'm too tired to ride him."

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'See? When we both make that little jog to the right at the last minute...'

'Hey everyone! Meet Paul. Paul is the latest member of our 'I like pooping in the automatic waterer' club!'

'Is it me or are you getting taller?'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."