Equine Humorist Gifts

'Frankly, the only way to ease your back-pain would be for your rider to go on a diet...'

'Now that she is pregnant, can she have a rhinoceros injection and a Catholic operation?

The Horse That Won't Jump

'I don't like photo finishes: I never look good in them...'

"Life is full of problems Fiona! By the time I get Kipper moving in the mornings I'm too tired to ride him."

'My mother was a race horse. My father was a stablehand who got five years for sodomy.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'See? When we both make that little jog to the right at the last minute...'

'Hey everyone! Meet Paul. Paul is the latest member of our 'I like pooping in the automatic waterer' club!'

'Is it me or are you getting taller?'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Yes, one is a dog."

Hats and Food

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'