Equestrian Comedian Gifts

'You're putting that saddle on backwards.' - 'How do you know which way I'm going?'

Mounting a Horse

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

The Enemy

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Show Jumping Tantrums

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Polo pony

A Few Common Ailments

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Horse accidents

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"You're wearing it backwards."

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

And balance with practice.