Equestrian Comedian Gifts

'You're putting that saddle on backwards.' - 'How do you know which way I'm going?'

Mounting a Horse

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Inappropriate horse whispering.

The Enemy

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Show Jumping Tantrums

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

A Few Common Ailments

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Horse accidents

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

'Don't put any money on him. I saw him placing a bet on the favourite.'

"You're wearing it backwards."

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

And balance with practice.

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

'Argh! This itching is driving me crazy!'