Equestrian Humor Gifts

"I don't think I'd mind so much if it was another woman."

'Are you playing hoofsie with me?'

"Don't you worry about how harmful it could be living under these power lines for so many years?"

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

Inappropriate horse whispering.

The Enemy

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Show Jumping Tantrums

'So....how many hours were you practising half pass this morning?'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Polo pony

A Few Common Ailments

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Park statues horse and rider.

Horse accidents

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

Riding School: Horse eating a compendium.

"You're wearing it backwards."

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV