Horse-riding Humorist Gifts

Bridgehampton Riding Academy

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Mr Tom Noddy's First Day With the Hounds Pt. 4

'Where's my horse?'

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

The Enemy

Inappropriate horse whispering.

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Before her first dressage competition, Kate suffered from Pre-Traumatic Stress.

Show Jumping Tantrums

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'Wait a minute, this guy is missing a head Oh jeez, we're totally gonna crash,'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

A Few Common Ailments

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

Polo pony

'Think Basics.'

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'I'm not taking any chances with the water jump this year.'

Horse accidents

"Sure he's handsome. . . But I've heard he's hung like a human."

"Boy, this is the life: For a bit of riding every day, we get fed, pampered and groomed..."

Journalist Interviewing a Fallen Rider.

'He thinks he's so hot but, personally, I'd rather be artificially inseminated.'

"I dumped my stable companion, he was seeing another pony!"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

"Hey, this is a marathon, not a sprint."

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

And balance with practice.